The Pipe Bomb #2: Capcom

Features
The Pipe Bomb #2: Capcom

After a shaky debut “pipe bomb,” I return to deliver nuggets of information and take the stage with metaphorical microphone in hand. Next on the chopping block is the once-legendary standard for gaming companies, now sitting in the metaphorical “mortgage state of a Monopoly game,” known as Capcom.

As it will be from now on, before we begin, I must ask “Do I have everybody’s attention now?” Let’s begin.

In the ’90s, Capcom was known as the bar-setting, game-changing, hell-raising icon of the video game industry. Now, they’re reduced to nothing more than the equivalent of a turd that just won’t flush, and trust me, in the “metaphorical video game toilet,” they’ve dropped a lot of crap onto gamers.

While Capcom is guilty of a lot, no issue I bring up is more important than any other I list, because while Capcom was trying to control damage, it’s like trying to put makeup on a pig, at the end of the day, no matter how cute you try to dress the pig, it’s still a pig.

I. Watering Down Resident Evil 

While I think this is the biggest atrocity Capcom has been known for, they were quoted as saying the survival-horror genre was simply too small for the Resident Evil series, especially in the U.S., and needed the fast-paced action that games like Call Of Duty are known for.

Resident Evil needing fast-paced action set pieces written Michael Bay-style is like saying the majority of Elm Street fans preferred Freddy’s Revenge as their favorite sequel, and that’s about as deep an argument as trying to prove the conspiracies behind JFK’s assassination. You could write a thesis about how survival-horror games basically made Capcom the giant they are, and they’d still ignore you while you’re sitting in the proverbial corner with your nose against the wall while Satan himself brands you with a pitchfork and labeling you a gluttonous, greedy fat ass at an all-you-can-eat buffet where the main course is consumer loyalty.

While RE4 was the first sign that things were going more action-oriented, many praised the change, not knowing the evil plot of whoring out the franchise to the FPS fanboys who wouldn’t know a good game if it were tattooed on their ass.

“Looking at the marketing data [for survival horror games] … the market is small, compared to the number of units Call of Duty and all those action games sell,” he said. “A ‘survival horror’ Resident Evil doesn’t seem like it’d be able to sell those kind of numbers.”

The series dove faster to video game hell in the eyes of dedicated fans faster than Stephen Glass’ knowledge of difference between truth and fiction. Masachika Kawata saying returning to their survival horror roots being not a viable option to continue with in place for the abominations known as Resident Evil 5, Resident Evil 6 and Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City, is like trying to defend a serial rapist with the “I didn’t know she was underage defense.” Putting quick-time events in RE games makes about as much sense as giving the keys to the asylum to wayward patients.

II. Mega Man Legends 3 Cancellation 

While I may know as much about Mega Man as a 10-year-old knows quantum physics if you don’t have a Sheldon Cooper-sized brain, I do know Mega Man was one of Capcom’s iconic franchises. Canceling Mega Man Legends 3 and blaming fans is like peeing in a dog’s face and not expecting him to bite your privates off. A little thing called common sense must’ve flew over Capcom’s executives at their annual shareholder’s meeting. If there wasn’t a secret evil bad guy organization pushing the “fuck you button” on Mega Man, I’d be somewhat convinced that their execs didn’t want to actually do this to their fans, thus pushing them off the proverbial cliff.

An article on MTV Geek stated Capcom canceling the game was pointed directly at the fans.

“As the composer of that tweet eventually tried to explain, the remark was intended to be a lament that the Devroom didn’t achieve its aims as a marketing tool, not that the fans of the game were somehow responsible for the cancellation of the game. In any case, it obviously didn’t come out that way, and the backpedaling was evidently too little too late.

Incidentally, the Devroom was never meant to serve as a primary gauge of “marketability” or whatever–we knew this was hardcore stuff. But it bears noting that the Pan-Western Devroom was US-led and Europe’s involvement was secondary, so I would chalk that sentiment up to that one individual’s misconception of the project, or else just poor wording.”

Like I said, spitting in the face of die-hard fans of the franchise is about as smart as asking Red Forman to stick his foot in your ass. You can try to dress the situation any way you choose to, but you can’t fool everyone all the time, because some of us know what you’re plotting behind closed doors, even if you issue a politically correct statement as damage control, it still wouldn’t put a fire out on a high rise if the only thing you had was a bottle of water.

III. MVC, UMVC3, DMC, Street Fighter & Other Unethical DLC

While I save the worst for last, Capcom had a huge fan base when it came to fighting games in the ’90s. The thing some people don’t understand, while there were a load of Street Fighter II iterations, it’s because they had to make a whole new game to fix bugs and glitches, because there wasn’t a thing called the Internet in the ’90s like we have now, where a simple update or patch can be put on a server and downloaded.

First up to bat is MVC 3 and UMVC 3. Possibly one of the best fighting franchises out there, due to the huge roster selection of Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Capcom went full gore for money when it came to extra characters and skins. How do skins make the game any better? Sure it provides alternate costumes, but it’s like dressing an emo kid in Abercrombie & Fitch, it doesn’t make a difference.

While noble in its original intention, developers stated that UMVC 3 was never supposed to be a full retail purchase, but only DLC, which would’ve been fine, but whatever turd decided to make UMVC 3 a full retail game must’ve been eating the proverbial paint chips during the managerial meeting and passed them around to everyone. Like in mind with Street Fighter 4, this is the same case because there were plenty of editions after the original game that should’ve been DLC, but were full retail games due to the Scrooge McDuck mentality of Capcom executives, not the game creators mind you, but the ones in actual charge, the management. Being able to use $50 bills as toilet paper doesn’t make you better than the average consumer, it just makes you a greedy, soulless piece of shit. No where on the box does it say that you will have to buy the other third of the game later on. If it’s on the disc, it should be accessible to everyone, not behind an invisible pay wall.

Finally, the last piece of Capcom crap that they’re guilty of, that I know at least is the controversies surrounding the Devil May Cry remake and the Azura’s Wrath “true ending DLC.”

While I’m not a DMC fanboy, I can certainly understand the hatred towards Capcom for making Dante a drugged out emo kid who has a hidden razor blade in his pocket looking for an excuse to cut himself. Dante was badass in the original DMC games.

Finally, Azura’s Wrath’s “true ending.” The only way anyone could access the true ending of the game was to attain a certain amount of S ranks in the game, or waiting to buy it. Why not just make the “true ending” the actual ending of the game itself? It’s all a money ploy, and at this point, Capcom is bleeding for it, and some, like myself wouldn’t feel sorry for Capcom if they did go out of business, because they did it to themselves.

Capcom, in closing, you Scrooge McDuck, suit-wearing, rear kissing pricks have turned your backs on your fans to suit the almighty dollar corporate suits while tossing the salad for COD fanboys who stand in line every year for a re-skinned game, while trying to bleed out our wallets for your own greed. Capcom, this “pipe bomb” (a.k.a. dose of truth)  is for you. Whether you agree or disagree with me, I encourage discussion.

Sources: MTV Geek; Gamasutra; Game Kudos

 

 

 

I am a 26-year-old gamer who has been through the majority of gaming generations and has an extreme passion for gaming. I am also a journalist with a talent for writing, so why not combine the two things together? Systems I own: XBox 360, PlayStation, Nintendo 64, GameCube, Wii, Sega Genesis, Super Nintendo.
  • DarkShadowXL

    What did I just read? I learned more about the history of our universe I feel with all your metaphors, which made so sense at all to the topic you were talking about.

    For instance.

    “While Capcom is guilty of a lot, no issue I bring up is more important than any other I list, because while Capcom was trying to control damage, it’s like trying to put makeup on a pig, at the end of the day, no matter how cute you try to dress the pig, it’s still a pig.”

    Do you even know how to sentence structure? I see so many commas. You go from talking about how Capcom has made mistakes, to dressing a pig. What does that have to do with anything? If your dress up a pig it turns into a Cute Pig got it, didn’t need to sit here and read about it.

    “Resident Evil needing fast-paced action set pieces written Michael Bay-style is like saying the majority of Elm Street fans preferred Freddy’s Revenge as their favorite sequel, and that’s about as deep an argument as trying to prove the conspiracies behind JFK’s assassination.”

    Why do you have so many similes in your article? Do you even know the history behind half of it or know what they stand for. I’m just confused. Michael Bay style of writing put into a resident evil game turns out to be a zombie thriller story line with a ton of action packed scenes of shooting and destruction, which in some games is pretty well done. Than you compare it to a movie about a psycho path who kills you in your nightmares and saying that it’s impossible to prove who assassinated JFK.

    What?

    I’m sorry but this was just not put together well at all, it feels like you didn’t even try and there’s so many uses of connections to other things that literally made no sense and didn’t need to be involved. It would’ve been fine as just an argument about how Capcom sucks and leave it at that. If you do try to argue against Capcom or anything at all please do some research first about the Company / Game whatever it is before you go on a spree about information that doesn’t really provide to your argument, Opinions are only good when facts help back them up. Hope you take this comment in seriously and get what I’m trying to say.

  • Andrew Vallis

    Was this whole comment really just complaining about the author’s use of comparisons (similes and metaphors) in a very opinion and discussion based context?

    The Pipe Bomb series is articles designed to show and compare things in a personal way. Not just to give you the facts in a 2 paragraph article and put it out there for views.

    Your comment really was very long-winded for just saying “This article is too long and I don’t like that it used similes and metaphors”. We are sorry if you do not like our writing style, perhaps you should check in to our more news focused posts, that are simple, straight to the point, and don’t have any personal comparisons in them.

    Kind Regards,
    Andrew Vallis
    Head of General Editing

  • DarkShadowXL

    Ouch. So defensive, I never said anything about the post being too long, you could have wrote four pages and I would’ve read it, actually it could have made it better to be longer who knows. The series is to designed as you said to show comparisons between a “topic” and someones “opinion” on that topic, if you don’t know anything about the topic to begin with, why even argue over it? It sounded like he had no knowledge of what Capcom is, what Resident Evil Is etc. by the use of his connective writing since none of it made sense, the whole idea of the complaint was to try to get the point across that this article made it look like he was rushing to get his work done.

  • JumpToGamer

    Hey DarkShadow,

    Thanks for providing us with the feedback, we are always looking at ways to improve and to see what connects with audiences and what does not. Of course you can’t please everyone all of the time, but as a reader you have highlighted some issues you have found with the article and we are grateful you shared them with us to help us improve. I’m sure the author of this article will see your suggestions and maybe he may take something from your points.

    May I ask if this was your first article you have read on the site or if you have visited before?

    Thanks

    Stephen

  • DarkShadowXL

    I wasn’t trying to start an argument between comments I just wanted to share the opinion I had when I read the article to the author and post my idea, as Andrew suggested earlier to stay more towards news articles; that is where I’ve read more articles and the game reviews on JTG, this would probably be the first I’ve read that is extremely opinion biased.

  • JumpToGamer

    We appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us and I hope you would do so again in the future. As I said, we are always looking at ways to improve both the site and content, and the those suggestions on how to do so are best coming from those who visit the site and read our articles. There will be those who may enjoy the content of that article, while others such as yourself may find it had little meaning or which made no sense. Neither are an issue, although in an ideal world you would have as many people loving the article as possible 😉 We do take all feedback seriously and on board, especially when they are provided in an appropriate manner.

    I hope you continue to read our content on JTG and feel free to post any other opinions or suggestions you may have.

    All the best,

    Stephen

  • Squidpocalypse

    Andrew, you stated yourself that The Pipe Bomb is meant to be a heavily opinion-based context, yet you immediately jump to the author’s defense when DarkShadow offered his own viewpoints? I would imagine someone with the title of “Head of General Editing” would show a little more professionalism, but evidently JumpToGamer has lowered its standards.

    I stand by DarkShadow’s opinion on the matter, in the sense that Mr. Gonzalez made a lot of nonsensical analogies. In one paragraph alone, he had made references to a child’s knowledge of Quantum Physics, Sheldon Cooper’s brain, urinating on a dog, and a proverbial cliff. In the paragraph immediately after that, he jumped around to subjects such as Capcom spitting in the faces of their fans (the only simile that made sense in this context), to That 70’s Show via Red Forman (???), to a burning high-rise and a bottle of water. And not to beat a dead horse, but the author DID have excessive usage of commas, as DarkShadow had stated previously. I get it, this is the internet, nobody has perfect sentence structure or grammar. However, does that mean that anyone entitled to a keyboard is allowed the luxury of not proofreading their work? I feel like this could have actually been a decent article, had the author taken a little bit of time and actually thought things through.

    As for the author’s choice of vocabulary, I’m appalled JTG is allowing themselves to be represented in such an unprofessional manner. “…Tattooed on their asses”? “…pushing the ‘fuck you button’…”? I understand that Pipe Bomb is meant to be an opinionated series, but the use of vulgarity made the entire article feel as if it were a transcription someone made while listening to an entitled, drunken frat boy spout obscenities. Yes, that was a metaphor. Yes, it was used in the proper context.

  • JumpToGamer

    “evidently JumpToGamer has lowered its standards” and “JTG is allowing themselves to be represented in such an unprofessional manner”. Firstly, the views expressed in each article are that of the author, and not of the site. If someone thinks that DayZ is a turd, then that’s their view and not JumpToGamer’s. Like I said to DarkShadow, all feedback is appreciated and we take it seriously, however we do live in 2014 and this is the internet. If you have a strong dislike for the word fuck in an article, then I’m sorry but there isn’t a lot more I can suggest. I frequently see that kind of language across bigger sites all of the time. It doesn’t make them anymore unprofessional. If our news articles however were littered with that language, I would completely agree, but opinion pieces and reviews often contain some of this. It’s down to the author how the write.

    What would be unprofessional however would be me replying to your comment with those kind of phrases littered everywhere. However we do take everything seriously so that is not going to happen 😉

    Like Andrew stated, It may be best you stick to our news and review articles rather than our opinion ones if you dislike how the Pipe Bomb is written and the language it contains. I’m pleased however that an opinion-based feature that is meant to get people talking is doing just that and allowing others to share their opinion on the article.

    With regards to Andrew, he read DarkShadow’s comment and formed an opinion on what he read and replied. In no way was his reply unprofessional.

    May I ask how often you visit the site or if this was your first article you read?

  • Squidpocalypse

    Oddly nameless JTG commenter,
    There’s no questioning the content of the article, at least in my opinion. I agree with Mr. Gonzalez, and much of the gaming community, that Capcom is doing poorly in the US. As far as Andrew’s ‘unprofessionalism’, the first impression I got from his post was that his tone was condescending in the manner in which he suggested “simple, to the point” articles over ones meant to incite conversation. DarkShadow’s input regarding the sentence structure and grammar used in the article was in no way out of line, so I feel his response was unwarranted. I will step forward, however, and admit that I had read his comment incorrectly at first. When I’d first read it, I could’ve sworn he had mentioned something along the lines of ‘more news focused posts’ on other websites. Evidently, I was wrong, and apologize for the excessively salty comment towards him.

    Returning to the subject of how I believe JumpToGamer is being represented; other websites use vulgarity and crude humor to connect to their audience, I get that. I read Cracked articles on a daily basis. However, I’ve previously viewed JTG as a very professional and informative website. I have read other articles on your site before, and have generally enjoyed the content therein. As for the word “fuck”, I generally use the word several times throughout the day. The problem with how the author used it is primarily directed towards the fact that the arguing points he was trying to make were already weak, and his choice in grammar seemed to make them moreso. The main concern regarding my comment was primarily the author’s tendency to use similes and metaphors. Metaphors are great, they help keep your audience thinking and relating to them in terminology that they would be familiar with. Using a metaphor in all but five paragraphs (most of which are a sentence or two long) is a bit overkill though. To use an analogy of my own; he was attempting to jump gaps that Evel Knievel couldn’t even make.

    As for YOU, strangely nameless JTG associate, I must commend you on the grace in which you handled my comment. My previous post was in no way directed towards JTG directly. Rather, I’m concerned with HOW the author expressed his opinion, not that he was opinionated. As I had stated previously, I feel this article could have had some good substance to it if the author had only proofread his work. Being that roughly half of the article is in reference to something other than Capcom, I don’t know if I should make comments on how I feel about the direction the company has taken, or about how awesome Laura Prepon’s breasts are from That 70’s Show.

  • JumpToGamer

    This oddly nameless JTG commenter is Stephen 😉 All posts which are from this JumpToGamer will be from me.

    I thank you for the way this has all been handled. It’s refreshing to be able to engage in a conversation about someone’s opinion on an article in a mature manner, unlike some of the other comments we have received down the months. So we appreciate everyone’s opinions and do take them all on board and thank you for apologizing when you made an error of judgement. We’re all human and all do it so no worries.

    The Pipe Bomb is the first feature on our site which is in the manner it is in. Most of our other articles are either news, reviews or other feature on gameplay etc, not necessarily “naming and shaming” so to speak. Personally I feel that it is good to have a feature which does what The Pipe Bomb does, and being our first we are looking for feedback and can then look at tweaking it if needed.

    Of course Jose is handling the feature presently so it is up to him what he covers and how he does so, although I have made him aware of this discussion and maybe he will take something out of it. We will continue to strive to improve and deliver good content and this kind of feedback will help us to do so.

    I hope you continue to visit JumpToGamer and that we can provide you with informative articles. The kind of language expressed in The Pipe Bomb will almost certainly be kept just here as we try to provide professional news and review articles. There is a time and place for such language as I think we would all agree on.

    If you have any further feedback or suggestions we would be delighted to hear from you.

    Enjoy the rest of your day.

    Regards,

    Stephen

  • Andrew Vallis

    For expressing my own opinion with my own name attached, i’m getting a lot of backlash while you defend the freedom of speech of someone else. I countered the complaints which to me made no sense, your argument has at least been formed in a more understandable manner. DarkShadow’s comment however was quite frankly littered with the same complaint. Random analogies may be how this writer explains their viewpoint, and does not and should not discredit their knowledge of the topic they are writing on.

Lost Password